Monday, September 1, 2008

Revenge sex or kiss-and-make-up sex?

After a break up you usually end up missing the other person terribly, especially if it was a long relationship. You suddenly become nostalgic about so many things you shared with him, such as things you did together, places you visited, food you ate, and—admit it—the lovemaking you had. You cannot sleep and nights become colder everyday because you yearn for him.

With this predicament, some would then resort to masturbation, while others prefer having a sexual partner. The worst part is how that longing builds up as time goes by and becomes too painful and unbearable. That’s why one text or call can make you run toward him.

And now here’s the scenario: you accept his invitation to have dinner, wearing your sexiest lingerie to boot. You go to your favorite restaurant, where you eat a lot of oysters and have a couple of drinks. And because you miss him so much, you give yourself to him once more. There’s nothing wrong with that but make sure you qualify the intention beforehand: is it a kiss-and-make-up sex or just revenge sex?

Whatever it is, you have to be careful because more often than not, the wild sex you would certainly have results to pregnancy: since you miss him so much, you get right into the act—and in your haste, you can get pretty careless.

But what happens if, after one wild unprotected sex and he simply says, “See you when I see you”? You have unwittingly become his new fuck buddy. Dumbfounded, you end up crying again, realizing how stupidly you acted.

This scenario is in fact very common. So before you get yourself into this situation again, don’t miss that important step of making clear what his intentions are. Does he truly miss your whole being? Or does he just miss your sex face?

Among the reasons guys call their exes are when they had a fight with their new girl, when they have personal problems, when they’ve heard you’ve moved on and started dating again, or when they want to know if they still have control over you and can still hurt you. If you find out that any of these are his reasons, don’t even think about having sex with him. Sex may be therapeutic for him, but it might hurt you even more—and you’ll now be the one in need of therapy.

Some guys do have noble reasons for calling on you again: maybe they still love you or they suddenly realize that you’re the one they want to be with forever. How do you know? These guys will not give you sob stories to get you in the sack; they will give you realities. These guys will not nitpick on the relationship and would instead focus on things that can be done to nurture love.

Remember, true love involves wanting the other person’s greater good. It also does not rush. He’ll give you time to think if you want him back. And before you decide to get back together, you try to resolve all issues first.

Don’t get carried away. Avoid having sex prior to thinking and talking in bed; it is better to start with thinking and talking, then later deciding to have sex—for as long as you like.

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