Monday, September 8, 2008

Why he hasn't proposed--yet

You’ve been in a serious relationship for three to five years, you’re close to each other’s family, and you’ve shared many deep conversations and intimate moments (not to mention great sex). Or, for those who want to formalize relationships: you may have been dating seriously for at least a year or more but he still hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend. In both cases, you’re left wondering: why hasn’t he proposed?

Before you start tearing your hair out and exhausting your brain in trying to figure him out, understand the possible reasons he may have for not proposing yet and know how to deal with them, as discussed in the articles “Why Hasn’t He Proposed? 7 Reasons And How to Fix Them” and “Will He Ever Propose?” Even if you’re only wondering why he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, simply replace all references to “wife” and “marriage” with “girlfriend” and “relationship” and you’ll find these tips useful for you, too.

1. He hasn’t thought of it. He doesn’t need to get to the next level the way you do. It might go against his ways to be tied to a wife at the moment. But show (not tell) him that you’re a prize catch.

2. You’re his virtual wife already—why should he make it formal? You already do for him the things a wife does: cook, shop, give advice, sex, and care for him. If you want to marry him, it has to be worth his while. “Ask yourself: What does he get if he marries me that he doesn’t get if we keep things the way they are—and is that valuable to him?” Get the correct answer to this and put it into action.

3. None of his pals are married and he doesn’t want to give up his independence. He may love you with all his heart and looks at no other woman but you, yet the thought of settling down and possibly losing his independence may discourage him. Assure him of the freedoms he will keep and new ones he’ll enjoy once you’re committed.

Show (not tell) him that you're a prize catch.
4. He likes it the way it is, why change? "Lucky for you, eventually he’ll realize he’s getting older. Not as quickly as women realize it, but time does come when guys realize they don’t want to be alone forever." If he speaks of such things, agree that it’s a valid concern—nothing more.

5. He is in no hurry biologically or emotionally. Guys can take no notice of the biological clock’s ticking much longer and with less consequence. And for most of them, earning money is "supplying plenty of satisfaction;" kids are not in their list of priorities because they want to maximize their “fulfillment quotient.” But he will eventually want kids. Question is: will it be with you?

6. He’s not yet ready financially. We all know it’s expensive to get married and eventually start a family. He may just be saving up or would like to be secure in his career first so he can provide for and take care of you.

7. He’s unsure about you. Realize that having been together long enough to even think of taking it to the next level is already a good sign. Maybe he’s just contemplating really well and being extra careful before he devotes himself fully to you. Just enjoy each moment with him, and he’ll soon decide that you really are the one for him.

8. He’s afraid to ask (but don’t count on it). Unless he’s really clinically torpe, he’s not afraid. He just isn’t ready, hasn’t thought of it, or simply doesn’t want to. So if you can’t wait any longer, best to get his thoughts on getting married now—specifically with you. You may not like the answer, but at least you know. But if you still have time, practice the previous tips, and the answer might sweep you both off your feet.

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