Monday, January 12, 2009

Break it to him gently: tips for a "clean" breakup

Being dumped is a difficult thing to recover from, as anyone who has ever been dumped could attest to. But being the one to initiate the breakup can also be one of the hardest things you’d ever have to do in life. After all, there’s a very thin line between a “clean” breakup and a bad one. If you’re not careful enough, chances are, things could get pretty messy.

You just have to realize that sometimes, the best thing to do is really to let that person go. So just be honest with yourself, and accept that no matter what you do, breaking up is ugly business. But there are certain ways to keep the situation under the best possible control. Here are some tips from Rich Santos for MarieClaire.com (reprinted by Yahoo!).

1. Do it quickly.
Delaying tactics won’t work, and they’ll only confuse the already difficult situation. Go straight to the point.

2. Be honest with him.
“Don't sugarcoat the situation. If you're seeing someone else, tell them you're seeing someone else,” writes the author. Don’t use age-old “breakup lines” like “It’s not you, it’s me,” which you know you’d hate to hear from him if situations were reversed.

3. Don’t feel sorry for him.
He’ll go down on his knees and grovel or make you feel all the guilt that’s already threatening to overwhelm you. But don’t let this distract you if you’ve already made up your mind. And don’t take him back just because you feel sorry for him. If situations were reversed, would you like him staying with you just because he’s feeling sorry for you? I don’t think so.

4. Make post-breakup rules and follow them.
No emails, no calls, no visiting each other—and no breakup sex. Keep your distance and eventually he’ll move on. Make sure you communicate all these rules when you break up with him. Be sure you keep these rules or he won’t take them—or even the breakup—seriously. And that’s usually when things begin to get muddled.

5. Pick a neutral place for it.
“Never do it at your place. You want to be able to leave on your own time,” writes the author. Pick a place where you can easily leave after you’ve talked. And it’s always most fair to do it in person.

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