Monday, October 31, 2016

20 Ways to Pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory


The Catholic Church dedicates the entire month of November to the Holy Souls in Purgatory. November 2nd is All Souls Day, sometimes called the Day of the Dead.  During this entire month we pray for the souls of the faithful departed, especially those whom we have known and loved.

Those in purgatory die in the mercy of God; however, because they still had attachment to sin at the time of their death, they must undergo the spiritual purification of their souls before they are able to fully love God with their whole heart, mind, and soul for all eternity.

Those in purgatory cannot pray for themselves, this is why they are called “poor” souls.  They can no longer merit anything for themselves and rely entirely on others to pray and make sacrifices on their behalf. As they are nevertheless part of the communion of saints, they depend upon us to help ease their suffering and quickly advance them through their purification so that they can join the saints in heaven.

Prayers for the faithful departed pleases God, who makes use of our prayers to help purify these souls that He loves. It is an act of charity that we can give for those we have known and loved, for our ancestors who gave us life, for those souls whose memory is lost, and for those who have no one else to pray for them.

Here are some ideas for praying for these suffering (and often neglected) souls, especially during the month of November dedicated to their memory:



1. Pray the Novena to the Holy Souls.

2. Offer up your Holy Communions for the souls in purgatory.

3. Have Masses said for your departed loved ones, especially on the anniversary of his or her death.

4. Pray The Way Of The Cross for Souls in Purgatory.

5. Pray the special Holy Souls Rosary. After the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, the Holy Rosary is the most powerful prayer.

6. Obtain indulgences:  Indulgences reduce or cancel the temporal punishment that we incur through sin.* There are many ways to obtain indulgences through pious actions, and we can apply their merits to the dead. You can find a partial list of indulgences here. If you visit a church or oratory on All Souls Day and recite there the Lord’s Prayer and the Apostle’s Creed, you can earn a plenary (full) indulgence applicable only to the souls in purgatory (under the usual conditions).

7. Give alms: The giving of material assistance to the poor has always been considered a penance that can be offered for the Holy Souls. “For almsgiving saves from death and purge every sin."

8. Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the intention of the Holy Souls.

9. Prayer of St. Gertrude the Great: tradition holds that St. Gertrude was told that piously reciting this prayer releases 1,000 souls from purgatory.

10. Sprinkle holy water on the ground: St. John Macias, a great friend of those in purgatory, would often sprinkle holy water on the ground for the spiritual benefit of the suffering souls.

11. When passing by a cemetery, pray the short Eternal Rest prayer: “Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord. And let the perpetual light shine upon them. And may the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.” This prayer carries a partial indulgence applicable to the poor souls.

12. Practice the tradition of praying the Eternal Rest prayer (above) before and after your meals as an easy way to pray for the holy souls daily. You can also pray the prayer between the decades of your daily rosary.

13. Visit a cemetery: Pray over the graves of your departed loved ones, or visit a random graveyard and pray for those who may have no one to pray for them. Simply doing this gains a partial indulgence for those in purgatory.  While you’re there, sprinkle holy water on the graves. If you make this visit daily during the octave of All Souls Day (November 2-9) you can gain a plenary indulgence* applicable to the souls in purgatory.

14. Eucharistic Adoration: make reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for those in purgatory.

15. Sacrifices: practice acts of self-denial and offer these penances up for the poor souls.

16. Pray the Office of the Dead. You can find this in your volume of the Liturgy of the Hours or online here.

17. Ask for the intercession of saints who were known to be great friends of the Holy Souls during their lifetime: St. Nicholas of Tolentino, St. Gertrude the Great, St. Catherine of Genoa, St. Padre Pio, St. Philip Neri, St. John Macías, St. Faustina Kowalska, St. Joseph, Our Lady, and others.

18. Special prayers: Throughout your day, offer up short and spontaneous prayers for the holy souls. Consider buying purgatory books with more prayers and special devotions for the Holy Souls.

19. Repent go to confession: Confessing your own sins makes your prayers for souls more effective.

20. Spread devotion to the Holy Souls: Make others aware of the great need these suffering souls have for our prayers.

The Guide to looking like the Most Confident Person in the room


Confidence is one of the most important traits in all aspects of life. Need to ace a job interview? Confidence could be the difference between getting the job and not. Want to ask your boss for a promotion? Why would he think you deserve one if you don’t even look like you think you do?

But here’s the thing, confidence is hard to control. If you don’t feel confident, then you’re not. However, you can fake it! If you the tips on the infographic below, you’ll be able to look like the most confident person in the room even if you don’t actually feel like it.


Sunday, October 30, 2016

LIFESTYLE: The Best Hangover Cures and Remedies


Let's start the week off right by minimizing those dreadful hangovers with those awful vomit sessions as much as possible. The best way to prevent a hangover is to drink in moderation, but in reality… life is to short to take anything in moderation so here are a few tips on curing your Halloween Halloweekend hangover.


Also being the honest person that I am, I had to leave ya’ll with this bit of advice that you probably wont see on any other source. Probably because some people are embarassed that their drinking has gotten them to this point or maybe because they might seem as though they might come off as a slight alcoholic, but O’ well. On nights when I’ve felt that I’ve probably have had one two many drinks and when I arrive in the comfort of my own home, I kindly take myself to the bathroom and force myself to vomit. I do this only to get the alcohol out of my system before going to bed. I then let my stomach settle while I take a hot shower. I then drink gatorade and eat a small snack with some sort of protein and bread. I know it sounds crazy and you guys probably think I’m a borderline alcoholic, but trust me it really works.

What are some of your favorite hangover remedies?

Additional post 😂 about last night! Happiest Birthday Mamang.



Saturday, October 29, 2016

20 simple ways to make the most of your lunch break


What pops into your mind when I say 'lunch'?

Do you think of long, leisurely and possibly boozy​ times with friends?

Or do you think of brushing crumbs off your computer screen as you eat a sad sandwich at your desk.  Again.  

If your lunch is more like the second version, then take a read, because if you don't take a proper lunch it's having a negative impact on your health, productivity, and creativity. 

It's almost become the norm to skip a lunch break​, with only 1 in 5 people taking a proper break, yet a break of just 15-20 minutes has been proven to sustain concentration and energy, making it by far the better option.

So if you run your own business or work from home, take note!​  It really is a false economy to work through.  

But no one else takes a break

If you're employed and the culture is to work through lunch, you may be worried about possible negative consequences of taking a break.  

This blog 'Can't take your lunch? Yes you can' by​ Nesrin Everett for The Huffington Post takes a look at the pressure felt to work through, and the importance of taking a break. 

​And in this blog What happened when I took a lunch break every day for a week? by Alyssa Spatola for The Huffington Post, she takes a break away from her desk every day.  It's an interesting read, take a look.

You could read those in your lunch break...

What to do in your lunch break?​


1.  Eat​ 

It's lunch, so you'll want to eat.  

Firstly, please don't be tempted to skip lunch if you are trying to lose weight, it's a false economy.  You are more likely to get over hungry and just grab anything.  Also, small, regular meals keeps that metabolism ticking along.    ​

Rachel Linstead is a nutritionalist and works with companies to promote wellbeing in the workplace.  She says: 

'Making the right food choices at lunch time will pay dividends later in the day ensuring you don’t get that mid-afternoon energy drop.

Choose a lunch which is nutrient rich rather than calorie rich – Salads in summer & vegetable based soups in winter. Make sure there is also some protein in there too, protein helps to fill you up, keeps you fuller for longer, it also helps to regulate energy release so you don’t get peaks & troughs in energy.

Also have a drink of water, most people are dehydrated most of the time, being just 10% dehydrated can have an impact on brain function!'

2.  Eat mindfully

When I worked in an office, I'd eat my lunch early, mainly through boredom.  If I did manage to hang on till lunchtime I'd work and eat almost absentmindedly, snatching mouthfuls when I could.  

When I reached my last bite I'd be shocked - okay, who ate my food?!?  

Taking a proper break and eating lunch means you can really enjoy your food.  ​But why not go a step further than that? 

Eating mindfully is basically the opposite of eating absentmindedly.  It's about appreciating all aspects of the food - the appearance, the aroma, the feel, the texture, the taste.  It's about fully experiencing each mouthful, chewing slowly.  Food becomes a pleasure again.

Mindful eating has many benefits: ​

  • Increased enjoyment of food as you properly taste and appreciate what you're eating
  • Reduced overeating: eating more slowly allows your body to signal when your appetite has been satisfied
  • Improved digestion: Thorough chewing helps to start to whole digestive process off well

Mindful eating also helps if you have a difficult relationship with food: emotional eating, binge eating, yo yo dieting etc, as it encourages you to enjoy your food but recognise your bodys hunger and satisfaction signals.

​Try it for a week.  Eat without distraction, and fully experience each mouthful.  

3.  The great outdoors

Probably the most simple and effective thing to do is find a nice green space outside to sit and eat.  The burst of fresh air and being in nature will really refresh and energize you, not to mention a welcome hit of vitamin D. 


4.  Cafe nation 

The weather isn't always going to play the game​, certainly not here in the good ole U of K, so a comfy local cafe is a great place to relax in, and it's also easy to do an activity there. 


5. Walk

And after you've eaten, a walk - a slow meandering wander or a brisk purposeful march - will do you the world of good.  It helps to revive and re energize, getting the cardiovascular system working which becomes so slugging sitting at a desk for hours.

Which is great, because I've heard that 'sitting is the new smoking' - meaning it's so bad for us to spend hours sitting at a desk, so a walk - no matter how short - will ​give a much needed boost.

And again, you can incorporate mindfulness into your walk.  Allow yourself to become fully aware of your surroundings using all your senses - what colours are there, what sounds.  Can you feel the sun on your face, or the wind in your hair?  The scent of coffee bars, or the hot dog stand?  

Being fully present in the moment is an amazing experience and helps to reduce stress. 


6.  Listen

Phone, tablets and MP3 players make this so easy!

  • Listen to an Audiobook - there are 100's to choose, from romance to thrillers and everything in between.  (Amazon currently has a 30 day free trial, so you can see if it's for you - and get a free book!  Gotta be worth a try?)
  • Listen to a podcast.  Again, something for everyone, from comedy to decluttering your home.  Here are 35 hidden podcasts you really should be listening to to get you going. 
  • Music streaming services like Spotify and Deezer give you the chance to listen to new music, as well as the tried and tested faves you already have.  Put together a playlist or listen to other peoples for new ideas and inspiration.  And of course, music has an enormous effect on us, so if you are tired and lacking enthusiasm, a playlist of banging tunes will pep you up for the afternoon!

7.  Read a book​

For pleasure or education, lunch time is the perfect time to read a chapter, and electronic readers like Kindle make it really convenient to slip into your handbag.  They also have the added benefit of 100's of free books to download (which can also be downloaded onto your tablet). 

8.  Get crafty​

Indulge in your fave hobby.  ​

Concentrating on an activity give you a break from any other worries you may have, so is an excellent way to reduce stress. ​

Adult colouring books are very popular.  Shan Marshall, The Coloring Coach  says: 'Colouring is great for lunch breaks.  Just pop a couple of pencils and a design in your bag or pocket and you're set wherever you are.. Just a few minutes of colouring will help you let go and relax.'

Cross stitch, crochet​, knitting, drawing, jigsaw puzzles - all perfect for destressing. 

​9.  Take a nap

​If you have a staff room, why not take a nap.  A 10 - 20 min snooze will leave you feeling re energized and rejuvenated.  

The art of napping ​is a great post to help you get the most from a quick nap, and includes a great infographic.

10. Write in your journal

Don't have a journal?  Well, here's the perfect opportunity to start!  

There are many many benefits to journalling - so much so, I give every new psychotherapy client a book and talk them through it.  

​Journalling helps you learn about yourself - your likes, dislikes - because if you don't know your needs, how can they ever be met? 

Journaling helps to takes the fog of thoughts and feelings and make some sense of them, helping you to find peace and clarity, because the more you can get out of your head, the less stress you will feel.  ​

All in just a few minutes a day.  

If you'd like to give it a try but don't know where to start, take a look at 'How To Start A Journal'​, and I'll walk you through the whole process.  

11. make plans

​Holidays, days out, organizing your diary, planning a week's menu and making a shopping list, planning a party, an outfit, a garden, a decorating project... all perfect to do in a lunch break.

12. Online shop​

​So if you've planned your weeks menus but are like me and find pushing a trolley around a supermarket booooring, grab your tablet and shop online.  It'll save you time, money - and you won't be temped by a delicious looking high calorie thingy on the shelves. 

Word on the street is there are other types of online shops around.  Who knew?  Internet window shopping is fun!​  Internet actual shopping is also fun, but credit card bills are less fun :)


13. meet a friend​

​I love a lunch time meet up with friends.  A chat, catch up, gossip and giggle all make for brightening your day. 

14. Daydream

​We don't often get the chance to do nothing, we are often chasing our tails being busy busy busy (sounds like you? Take a read of 'If you're too busy to read this you should definitely read this) . But a lunch break is a space in the middle of the day you have permission to rest, so is a great time to power down, switch off and daydream.  Let your mind wander to places you'd like to visit, things you'd like to do, where you'd like your life to be in 5 years time.  Enjoy. 

​15. Meditate

A lunch break is a perfect time to meditate.  If you are an accomplished meditator that's great, but if not there are many guided meditations to try, anything from 5 minutes up.  Tara Brach is great with many guided meditations to choose from, but search on Pinterest for lots more info. 

16. Stretch

Sitting for long periods isn't good for us, so taking a lunch break gives you the chance to do a few stretches and free up your body.  Stretches to undo the effects of sitting all day ​shows some simple stretches you can do if you have a little space.  (The squat stretch may raise an eyebrow if you do it in your works canteen!)

You could take this further and practice some yoga​. 

17. Exercise​

You don't have to go to the gym to get some exercise​!  Just doing a few exercises in the office (that won't get you hot and sticky) will get a sluggish circulation moving and wake you up.  Try this - the ultimate 10 minute office workout and get moving 

18. Pamper yourself​

A lunch break is just right for a little pampering - a quick manicure, a facial, eyebrows tidied up, waxing.  

19. Ring someone​

If you're anything like me, you'll be knackered by evening (I don't finish work usually till 8pm) so a chat and a giggle can be a great lunch time pick me up​ and a chance to keep in touch. 

20. Save a life​

A lunch break is a perfect time to give blood.  Nuff said. ​

​How will you spend your lunch break?

 I hope this post has given you some ideas for ways to spend your lunch break.  Remember, just a 20 minute break will give you a boost, but if you're allowed more, take more.  There are no extra brownie points for being a lunch time martyr, and you run the risk of becoming burnt out and stressed. 

People have fought hard to make it law to have a break, and there are still many people in the world that don't have the right to a break.  It's there for a reason, so do yourself a favour and use it! 

Do you have a morning routine?

 How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up in the morning, putting off the inevitable getting out of bed and starting the day to the last minute possible?

Having just a little too much ​time in bed before emerging and then having to rush.  

Ignoring your grumbling tummy, contemplating if you can get away without showering, your hair sulking and hoping no one notices that you didn't iron your clothes. 

Mornings - love 'em or hate 'em, every day has one, so if you're not a morning person, starting every day feeling tired, grouchy, grumpy, stressed and rushed will have a significant impact on your day.  

So if you are more of an owl than a lark, keep reading because I'm going to share 13 ways to make your mornings a delight.

My morning routine used to be: 

  • Leave getting up until the last possible second
  • Get ready for work bleary eyed
  • Feel grumpy, grouchy and tense
  • Feel stressed as I rush out of the door
  • Spend the day feeling scruffy, and playing catch up

Not the best start to the day, but not unusual.  ​So if that sounds all too familiar, let's look at some ways to change your morning routine, to increase your everyday self care and get more energy, positivity, calmness and focus for a more productive day.

The night before

Give your morning routine a helping hand by doing some preparation the night before,  

 1. Quality Sleep

Waking refreshed and replenished will make all the difference to not just the start of your day, but the whole day. ​

For a simple yet effective way to encourage sleep, take a look at Neville Medhoras 'Amish hour' - an hour before you want to settle down to sleep, turn off all electronic gadgets - TV, computer, tablet etc.  ​Couldn't be simpler!

2. ​Lunch


If you prepare lunch to take to work, doing it the night before will not only take the pressure off in the morning, but also mean you are likely to have a better quality meal.

3. Clothes

​I can't tell you how many times i've been frantically searching through the ironing basket trying to find something to wear 10 minutes before I've had to leave the house!  It's an unpleasant way to start the day, so don't do it to yourself. 

Get what you're wearing ironed and ready, it saves not just time, but that totally unnecessary stress when you least need it. ​

Morning routine

4.  Wake up earlier

Okay, you may not relish the thought of getting up earlier but ​just 10 little minutes can make an enormous difference to your day, and if you adopt the Amish hour (as in No 1 above) you are more likely to wake feeling refreshed. 

Waking earlier means you won't have to rush, reducing stress and introducing calm. 

5.  Drink water

​Your body just went 8 hours without water, so it needs re hydrating.  Take a good long drink of  water, cool but not cold from the fridge as it's too shocking to the system. Add a slice of lemon if you have some.

6.  Sounds​

Be aware of what sounds you like in the morning, and try something new.  If you always have the radio on, try silence, see how that feels and vice versa.

7.  Move


I've avoided the 'E' word here, because exercise sounds too earnest!  

Help your body to wake up by moving it, and it can be at any level you wish. 

It could be gentle stretches, yoga, or a mindful walk.  If you're feeling energetic, 10 minutes of cardio or a run, the choice is yours.  You can mix it up, do something different on different days, depending on the weather, for example.   

8.  Shower​

It's always nice to have an unhurried shower with time to condition your hair, shave your legs and just chill.  

Try a warm/cold shower - a few minutes with warm water, a few minutes with cold is very stimulating, and can help if you're feeling sluggish.

And afterwards, some early morning pampering - your favorite body lotion, ​time to spend on your hair makes for a good hair day, and you know what a difference THAT makes!  

9.  Breakfast​


Skipping breakfast might be tempting, but unless you've prepared for being hungry midmorning and have prepared something you can eat, the temptation is to grab something - anything.  So keep control, and eat well.  

Make breakfast a treat, and make it varied.  Sweet, refreshing fruit, warm vanilla pastries, eggs and bacon... After all, variety IS the spice of life!​  

And filling your home with the smell of freshly made coffee ​is definitely one of lifes simple pleasures. 

10.  Journal

Journaling is fantastic at any time, but is a particularly great way to start the day.  'Morning pages' by Julia Cameron​ is a widely used method, and if you click the link there is a short (2 minute) video of Julia talking about what to do and why. 

Journaling helps reduce stress, increases self awareness and self acceptance and is a powerful tool to use.  If you're not sure where to start, my eBook 'How To Start A Journal' (currently available on a 'Pay What You Want' basis) walks you through the whole process. 

So grab a book and get scribbling!

Things to avoid

11. Television

The TV is a massive time suck in a morning, and when every second counts it's something you can do without. 

12. Social media

As with TV, it's so easy to fall down the rabbit hole of social media and climb out again blinking and confused, wondering what happened to the time.  

13. Work Emails

Looking at work emails in personal time makes work/life boundaries fuzzy.  Keep those boundaries firm by only answering work emails in work time.  

So there you go, 13 ways that will make for a morning of self care, creating a much better experience for you, leaving you feeling energised, focused, positive and ready for a productive day.  

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

7 Thoughts on Joy from C.S Lewis

What was it about, joy, that compelled C.S. Lewis to convert from staunch atheism to later becoming one of the most influential Christian authors of all time? I wanted to find out, so I recently read his book about it, called Surprised By Joy.

I love the writings of C.S. Lewis.  He was not a lazy thinker and he was unflinchingly honest in the way he approached the big questions of life.  Because my word of the year for 2016 is joy, the title, Surprised by Joy, is what initially drew me to this book. I was not disappointed.  I do feel like I was able to grab hold of a deeper understanding of that word, joy. I recommend reading the book.  For the sake of brevity, I’ve pulled out seven quotes, that I believe; shine a brighter light on the concept of joy.

C.S. Lewis described joy a little differently than I had previously thought of it.

1. “Joy is distinct not only from pleasure in general but even from aesthetic pleasure.  It must have the stab, the pang, the inconsolable longing.” –C.S. Lewis

Whereas I had often thought of joy as something more steadfast, Lewis described it as a pang.  Yet I knew that pang, too.  I’ve felt it.  I thought about how something can be both of those things at the same time and a picture began to emerge.

2. “All Joy reminds.  It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still “about to be.” -C.S. Lewis

It’s a reminder, something that I can’t quite grasp, or describe fully.  Yes, this was it.  This was joy.

3. “It is a by-product.  Its very existence presupposes that you desire not it but something other and outer.” -C.S. Lewis

I feel joy the most when I’m not thinking about myself, but when I’m completely in the moment.

4. “In introspection we try to look “inside ourselves” and see what is going on.  But nearly everything that was going on a moment before is stopped by the very act of our turning to look at it.” –C.S. Lewis

Lewis described in his story, his fruitless efforts to recapture these moments of joy that he’d experienced, to analyze them…. in order to bring them back. 

5. “The inherent dialectic of desire itself had in a way already shown me this; for all images and sensations, if idolatrously mistaken for Joy itself, soon honestly confessed themselves inadequate.” –C.S. Lewis

Again, Lewis makes clear, something I’m also learning to be true.  It’s what led him to God.  It’s leading me closer to God.  This truth about joy is that joy, itself, is not the ultimate desire. 

6. “Joy itself, considered simply as an event in my own mind, turned out to be of no value at all.  All the value lay in that of which Joy was the desiring.  And that object, quite clearly, was no state of my own mind or body at all.” –C.S. Lewis

Joy points to something more.  

7. “It was valuable only as a pointer to something other and outer.  While that other was in doubt, the pointer naturally loomed large in my thoughts.  When we are lost in the woods the sight of a signpost is a great matter.  He who first sees it cries, “Look!” The whole party gathers round and stares.  But when we have found the road and are passing signposts every few miles, we shall not stop and stare.” –C.S. Lewis

I wrote earlier this year, that when I want more joy, what I’m really wanting is more Jesus.  Joy is simply the signpost that points us to Jesus.  Lewis discovered this, too. 

We are made for something more.  And sometimes, we are given glimpses of that something more.  Sacred Stones.

That picture of joy was becoming clearer in my mind.  Where I was trying to reconcile how joy could be both a steadfast feeling and a pang, something I desired and had experienced, yet couldn’t grab hold of, I pictured the sun.  I saw a bright orb with rays shooting out.  I have a steadfastjoy because I have the hope of Christ in me.  I know that desire will someday be fulfilled. I’ve experienced those pangs of joy, which are available to all, because God, in his mercy, has left signposts behind, pointing to Him.

 I pray that you, too, will experience the joy that comes from the hope that is in Christ Jesus.  

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
— Psalm 16:11 (NIV)

Monday, October 17, 2016

Relationship: Question to ask your BOYFRIEND


Here is a load of great questions to ask your boyfriend. Hopefully these will give you both something to talk about while learning a little more about him.

Guys can be notoriously closed off when it comes to talking and conversation, with lots of one word answers. Sometimes it might feel like pulling teeth. Hopefully these questions will help. But you’ll need to ask a lot of follow questions as well. Or at least encourage him to give you more detailed answers.

Of course some guys are more than happy to talk about themselves and will chatter on and on. For these guys, these questions are great for steering the conversation and getting some insight on what kind of person they really are.

Really every guy is different, so with all of these questions to ask your boyfriend your mileage may vary. Some questions will work great for some boyfriends but not work at all for other boyfriends.

You’ll have to choose which questions you think will work best for your boyfriend and which questions you really want to know the answer to. So with all that out of the way, let’s get started!

Questions to ask your boyfriend

Question 1: What movie was so sad that you will never watch it again?

This is a great question for finding out a little more about their emotional side. You can see what really chokes them up. Or you can see if they really aren’t that emotional.

Good to know either way, because if they never get choked up during a movie, don’t expect them to be open about their own emotions in the future.

Question 2: What are the two biggest lessons you’ve learned from previous relationships?

So don’t get jealous on this one. Yes, he has had partners in the past. And it’s worth hearing about those relationships because you can find out a lot.

You can find out a lot about what he’ll expect from you from his previous relationships. You can also find out what to expect from him and how he acts when things go bad.

Question 3: What would be the absolute perfect day?

So this one is a good question because every guy will have an answer. So it’s a perfect conversation starter. And you’ll get to learn more about what he likes to do.

If you can get into stuff that he likes (and vice versa), you’ll find that you will both have a lot more fun around each other.

Question 4: What did you learn a little too late?

This is a roundabout question to find out what some of his regrets are. What does he wish he had done or learned? It’ll give you an idea of where he wants to head in the future.

Question 5: What gross and unhygienic things do people do that bothers you?

So, how clean and hygienic is your boyfriend? If you are going to take your relationship to the next level eventually, it’s good to find out sooner rather than later.

Basically if he has a long list of gross things that probably means he’s pretty clean. If he just shrugs and says “I dunno”, it probably means he’s pretty dirty.

Question 6: What habit do you have that you think not many other people have?

We all have weird habits, time to find out some of his! Just remember to try not to be too judgmental. You’ve probably got your share of weird habits as well.

Question 7: What are you too hard on yourself for?

This one will let you know to what standards does he hold himself. Because if he holds himself to a standard, chances are he expects other people to meet that standard as well.

Also, if he is hard on himself about a lot of things, it probably means he is more driven to succeed. If he isn’t hard on himself about anything, it probably means he is super laid back or he doesn’t really want to improve himself.

Question 8: What habits do you have that annoy other people?

Yeah, annoying habits. You’ll want to know these about him. Because if you two ever move in together, those annoying habits will go from cute to frustrating real quick. We all have annoying habits, so feel free to share some of yours and give him a heads up.

Question 9: What do most people overestimate or underestimate about you?

This question is less about how other people view your boyfriend and more about how they view themselves. You can find out how your boyfriend thinks the world views him and how that contrasts with how he views himself.

If he sounds a little delusional, that’s a bad sign. If he sounds humble, it’s probably a good sign.

Question 10: How often do you feel like utterly worn down?

This question is a good indicator of how stressed he is. You can ask what wears him down and find out what he stresses about most.

Question 11: What is something you probably should do, but will never do?

This is a bit of a weird question that can get you a variety of answers. Great for an interesting conversation starter because he has probably never been asked this. But whatever his answer is, it’ll probably be pretty interesting and enlightening.

Question 12: What was the best thing about how your parents raised you?

Ah family, sometimes a touchy topic but you can learn a lot about someone by finding out about their childhood.

Just remember to let him do the talking, don’t make assumptions, and never be negative about family. People get defensive real quick if you talk bad about their family.

Question 13: What do you most look forward to about getting old?

This question is a fun one to ask your boyfriend because you’ll either get funny answer or a serious answer about how he wants to live after he retires. Either way it’s a great question to ask.

Question 14: What is the biggest sign of weakness in a person?

This is a really interesting question to ask. Their answer will tell you a lot about how they see the world around them.

Basically whatever the sign of weakness is, that will be what he judges people most harshly for. And the opposite of that sign of weakness will be something he really admires and strives to be.

Question 15: What’s something you tried really hard to like but just couldn’t?

By seeing who pressured him into trying to like the thing, you can see who he tries to please. And you can also see how much he is willing to stand up to that person or group. Plus, you’ll learn more about what he likes and doesn’t like.

Question 16: What makes you different from most people?

A great question to ask your boyfriend that will show you how much they feel like they fit into society. If they mention a lot of things, they probably see themselves as an outcast. If they don’t have much to say, they probably think they fit pretty well into society. There’s nothing wrong with either one, but it’s good to know.

Question 17: What was the best mistake you’ve made? A mistake that turned out really well.

This one probably won’t tell you much about your boyfriend but it’s a fun question to ask. You’ll probably get to hear an interesting story. And who doesn’t love a good story?

Question 18: If money was no object, where would you live?

A great question for finding out how much you two match up. If you both want to live in similar places, that’s definitely a good sign. But if he wants to live out in the country in a cold place and you want to live in a city in a warm place, well that doesn’t bode well. It’s something good to know if you plan on being together long term.

Question 19: Who was the most toxic person you’ve known?

We’ve all known people that make the world around them a worse place. You can see what your boyfriend considers to be the worst of the worst in people.

Maybe you both despise the same aspect in a person or maybe not. Either way, you’ll learn what types of behavior he despises.

Question 20: What were the last two books that you read?

Is your boyfriend a reader? Find out with this question. If you’re a voracious reader and he isn’t (or vice versa), that could be a problem. But if you both read about the same amount it’s probably nothing to worry about.

And who knows you might learn about a cool new book that you can check out.

Question 21: If you dropped everything and went on a road trip, where would you go?

This one is similar to the “where would you live” question above. But instead of finding out where your boyfriend wants to settle down, you can find out what type of vacation your boyfriend likes.

If you both like the same stuff, that’s always better. It means more things to do together and more things to talk about.

Question 22: What makes you nervous?

Getting nervous is a universal human trait. So why not find out what makes your boyfriend uncomfortable? There’s a good chance that one thing that makes him nervous is talking in front of a large group of people, but press him for more examples if you can.

Question 23: What makes you angrier than it should?

This is a really important question. Because you’ll want to know what makes them angry so you can avoid it. And if you can’t avoid making them angry, you might want to find a new boyfriend. This goes for you too, if you find yourself getting angry at them a lot, chances are that you might want to reconsider your relationship. Too much anger is toxic in relationships.

Question 24: What are the manliest and least manly things you have ever done?

This is a fun question that can lead to some great answers. You can also find out how seriously they take the concept of manlinessand what that concept means to them.

Question 25: How do you feel about pets and animals?

This one is good to ask for the simple reason that if one of you hates animals and one of you loves them, that means that one of you is probably going to be upset if you two move in together. It’s some good general info to gather and can lead to a good conversation.

Extra Questions

Here are some more questions to ask your boyfriend that I think you’ll enjoy. No commentary on these. I just wanted to give you some more options if the questions above weren’t enough for you.

Besides cheating, what can an SO do that would make you end a relationship?

What is something (beside appearance) that a person can do to become instantly more attractive to you?

Who’s the black sheep in your family?

When was the last time you were really, really wrong about something?

How neurotic do you think you are?

What are you really OCD about?

What’s the silliest social issue people get up in arms about?

What social issue deserves more attention?

How well do you think you would do if you were lost in the woods for two weeks?

What’s the best way to travel?

What bridges have you burned?

What does the world need more of?

Is ignorance bliss?

Who or what is holding you back?

Where would be you perfect place to settle down?

What are the three most important things you learned from your parents?

What shortcut do you wish you could take?

What is the role of a wife?

When are you most comfortable?

What makes a person seem ignorant or intelligent?

How often do you get into arguments with people on the internet?

How adventurous are you?

What do you want to get out of life?

What’s your favorite waste of time?

What’s your dream car?

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

What minor inconvenience bothers you way more than it should?

So that’s the end of the list of questions, but I’ve got a little bonus for you! Below are some things you want to watch out for, relationship red flags.

Relationship red flags

If you notice anyone of these in your boyfriend, it’s a big red flag. Don’t ignore it. You need to seriously consider whether you want to continue the relationship. I would actually just recommend breaking it off if you notice any of these. Better some pain now than a lot of pain later and a messy divorce / breakup.

His failures are always someone / something else’s fault.

Usually this type of person can’t see that they are the cause of their own troubles, that they could have avoided their troubles by taking action, or that they can actually fix their problems. Because they don’t see themselves at fault for anything, they don’t see any reason to improve or change.

He’s mean to animals or people for no reason or because it’s funny.

This probably means they have a serious cruel streak in them. And they will be cruel to you too, if they haven’t started already. I’ve never seen a person become less cruel so don’t expect your boyfriend to. Just get out now while you still have a chance.

He lies a lot about insignificant things and doesn’t admit he lied when confronted with evidence.

Not normal lies to avoid trouble, that’s pretty common. I’m talking about weird lies for no reason. Like telling you about an uncle they don’t actually have or lying about how they got particular shirt for no reason.

Seriously, just run. I’ve run into this several times. The small lies are the ones you found out about. There are bigger lies. And you have no idea what is a lie and what is the truth.

Everyone else can’t see what you can, they can’t see how great of a guy he is.

Yeah, you probably can’t see the forest for the trees. We’ve all been there. You are in love so you gloss over their faults. But if everyone around you doesn’t like your boyfriend or tries to warn you about him, you might want to listen to them.

Sometimes being too close can blind you. Make a conscious effort to look at your boyfriend from a distance, like you were someone else looking at him and how he acts. And don’t make excuses for any truths you see.

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